It is interesting to see how I can feel more comfortable inside a classroom setting.
In a way I feel empowered to speak up.
I also get some kind of anxiousness when nobody wants to say something,
Or when no one appears to be listening.
But it’s interesting to think about where the agency is coming.
Before one of the classes, I was preparing coffee
Somebody asked me about the location of the tea
I started to tell them where it was supposed to be
They introduced themselves with another person that arrived there
And that apparently was supposed to know them.
Both started to talk.
At first I was listening and somewhat involved
In the way I would get involved in those situations:
Reacting, smiling, sometimes laughing if appropriate.
I didn’t have anything to say, to add.
Or maybe I did,
but how do you talk in those situations?
Two people talking already, how do you enter into that conversation?
Maybe there’s some inner problem
Thinking of oneself as “undesirable company”
Or feeling, not thinking, oneself that way,
even when the thinking says otherwise.
I eventually left.
Fortunately, maybe, in this social setting,
There’s no need to say “bye”.
You just disappear.
I couldn’t speak there,
but I could speak in the class.